Author: WhiteWitch
I remember several years ago, when I was really searching, I went to a spiritual expo in my city. I would spend hours there just looking around to see if I found anything that called to me. I especially loved anything  to do with angels.

At the end of the day I would get readings from various psychics. They were mostly saying the same thing, which was that I was not doing what I was suppose to be doing, and that it was making me unhappy. I cried a lot. One man said that in a past life I had been killed for my beliefs, and that the fear was still with me to this day. I have no idea if what he said is true. He said there was no need to be afraid anymore.

One woman in particular stayed in my memory. She did palm readings. She spent a great deal of time with me explaining what she saw. One thing she said that I was very sensitive, and that I had to be careful about what I ate and so on. She was right. My body is very sensitive, and I think I'm just a sensitive person over all. This woman surprised me by spending a lot more time with me than I had paid for.

It can be hard to know if I'm really that sensitive, because I have no idea what other people are feeling. I just know that I can feel energies. If a place has a heavy enough energy I can even feel sick. Strangely even some websites and books can have that effect on me.

I've decided to focus on positive energies; like the ones that can be found in nature, beautiful music, art and nourishing food. I'm hoping that if I can raise my level of happiness during the day, then my dreams will become more beautiful as well. Dreams reflect what we feel and think during the day.

Author: WhiteWitch
I'm working on being focused on the spiritual this Christmas.

I miss home. I miss Norway. Most of all I miss my mom, dad and sister, who all passed away. I miss the beautiful home I grew up in and celebrating Christmas with the family I loved.

Christmas was my favorite day in the whole year. I even cried when it was over!

Now most of my family is gone and my childhood home looks pretty wrecked because it has not been taken properly care of for many years. Luckily my oldest brother bought it and is slowly restoring it.

My two brothers are the only two left of my close family. But they are much older than I am. I love them. But they were not there most of the time when I grew up. They had already moved out. I miss my mom, dad and sister that was always there.

They passed away. I wonder where they are now.

Anyway. I spent Christmas in Norway last year, and it just wasn't the same.

I realize that I need to feel Christmas in my heart most of all. So I spend a lot of time connecting with the divine. I pray and ask for help.

There is something special about these days of December. There is something gentle and beautiful in the air. I want to tap into that. I would like to have mystical experiences.

I know that when I can be with the divine I can feel happy for no reason at all. Even when things are hard I can feel comforted.

It feels good to write. I've been such a mess inside lately. Writing puts and order of sorts to my feelings.

Today I will make my first attempt on making beeswax candles. Beeswax smells divine!

I will also hang up some new pictures to inspire me.
Author: WhiteWitch
Sometimes I go for walks and I look at things without really sensing much. I am trapped in my thoughts and feelings.

And then there are times like today when I walk and keep on walking because it is just so beautiful. The trees, the wind, the grass, the sun and clouds. The air is fresh and cold and I feel moved to the point of crying.

I wish the neighborhood I'm walking in would turn into a forest. A deep gorgeous forest full of trees that I could talk to. I would walk barefoot if it wasn't too cold, and I would dance and feel things in my heart that my mind just don't understand. I would communicated with the sky and the wind and the birds.

Today I looked at the flowers in people's gardens and drank in their beauty. I think beauty and magic is food for my essence.
Author: WhiteWitch
I wanted to start writing again to get my feelings out on paper so to speak. I have a lot to do tosome day, so I'll keep it short.

I've had a few very painful and difficult days. I'm learning a lot about myself. It feels like as I'm going through these things I go deeper into myself to see what is really going on within me. I've been observing my emotions, and how I feel left out and angry. I feel so tiny and useless and just upset with myself and life.

If only I could be free of my fear and guilt I could do so many things that I'm just too terrified to get into right now.

I just feel very tired right now. And yet I feel in touch with myself. 
Author: WhiteWitch
Author: WhiteWitch
Yesterday was a somewhat hard day for me but also good because I learned a lot. I went to the gym and I loved it, even though I couldn't keep up with all the steps.

I think I got a little reward last night because I had an astral projection. I was back in Norway, in the tiny town I grew up in. I was flying above a lawn in front of my childhood home. Everything was so beautiful! I looked down and I could clearly see that the grass was wet. It was a short experience. I quickly returned to my body.

In the morning though, out of curiosity I decided to check what the weather was like in that same town. And
I got a little excited when the weather forecast showed rain. Of course it often rains in Norway, even in summer, and so it doesn't really prove that I was actually there in the astral.

I know my astral experiences are real, but it would be fun to actually prove it by knowing something I couldn't have possible known. I have heard lot of people share experiences like that.

My husband is one of them. He saw a very old toy in the garden where he lived. He thought he had lost that toy ages ago and thought it was strange that it was there. When he woke up he found the toy in the exact spot he had seen it in the astral.

I hope to have more out of body experiences tonight. They might me feel so magical.
Author: WhiteWitch
I wanted to start writing again. Maybe it will help me work through some of the feelings I'm dealing with.

A lot of things have changed since last I wrote anything in this blog. I have moved from The Bay Area to Los Angeles. It was a strange thing because I felt inside me that it was time to leave even before I knew we had the option of moving. It seems life is taking me where I can learn the most.

Here in L.A. I sense that I need to start living again. By that I mean I need to overcome many of the fears I have, and find my own voice. Find my own place in life. I have no friends my own age here. And I often feel very tiny and weak around my friends who are very strong, and active women.

I basically feel lame and ashamed of myself. In the beginning it made me angry, but I think this might exactly be what I need. I have to look at that feeling of hurt beneath it all. I want to understand it and be free of it. I want to live without all this guilt and fear trapping me.

Today I'm going to the gym with a friend. I haven't been to the gym since I lived in Norway. I feel nervous about going tonight. I always fear the unknown. And in truth I find Los Angeles to be very big and rushed. Sometimes I feel very upset about how things are here. Sometimes I really enjoy living here...

Sometimes I miss Norway. But something inside me knows it's not time for me to go back yet. It's not right. It's not where I need to be to learn about myself. My life has taken up a different meaning since I started learning about gnosis, since I started observing what is actually happening inside of me.

Life is about learning about myself and to how to live life wisely.