Author: WhiteWitch
•08:48
I'm back in the US. I feel slightly depressed and angry about it. I felt so much freer being away from my life and everything in it. Coming back I realize how squeezed I truly feel here. I'm realizing that a lot of my anger has to do with guilt. I always feel guilty for things I have and haven't done. And feeling like that I hand over my life to other people. I just want to be a good girl, and I'm scared what will happen if I stop being a "good girl".

I was also getting used to the quietness of Norway. It was so nice to feel less rushed. It was also wonderful to feel that I wasn't that different from the people around me. In America I always feel different in the way I am.

And at the core of it all I feel terribly alone. When in Norway I felt sad that I couldn't spend Christmas with my mom, dad and sister. I couldn't spend Christmas in the house I grew up. I felt and I still feel that I don't truly belong anywhere. I don't know who to turn to with all my worries.
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2 kommentarer:

On 9. august 2010 kl. 18:12 , Stella sa...

Hello Deary,
You know, your post here shows quite a bit of anxiety. I hope you don't take me saying so the wrong way. It seems that so many of us feel the way you do in this post. The pressures and expectations of our friends and family can cause us to feel suffocated, resentful, and even angry. The positive aspect of this though is that your/our reactions to the world around us and how we 'decide' to let it affect us are up to us.
I used to let other people's opinions of me bother me. I wanted to be 'good' for them as you mentioned, but after a while I realized I just needed to be a decent person period. Not necessarily for them...
Anyway, hope you feel better about things soon, and you do belong in the world. That's why your'e here (smile)...

 
On 13. august 2010 kl. 22:20 , WhiteWitch sa...

Thank you! That was really sweet of you to write to me. I haven't done much with this blog in a long time. Maybe I'll start writing again.

Thanks again for your comment. It helped me.