Author: WhiteWitch
•20:31
I stayed home tonight. My husband went out, but I was feeling tired and secretly longed to just rest and reflect. I wish I could do what I deeply feel I need without guilt coming up.

I lied on the bed and read some of Anne of Green Gables. I know it's a classic, and a children book, but I've never read it before and it gives me much joy now. I just feel so tired somehow, and slightly sick. I think I'm tired of worrying about everything. At least, when I'm alone in the evenings I feel her presence and guidance with a lot more strength. I can feel her in my heart. It's the only place I want to be. I just want to stay with her and cry.

I want my life back. I don't want to be controlled by my fears anymore. I'm fighting to be free. Last night I told myself I would remember my dreams, and I did, at least most of them. I had a nightmare of sorts, I think the same kind that I used to have as a small girl, but this time I fought it, whatever it was that was attacking me. And I also had a very symbolic dream, but I only remember parts of it.

This afternoon I astral projected while I took a nap. It's been so long since I've had an astal experience. I feel sometimes that I've given up on them., though I'm not sure why. Perhaps I feel nothing will come out of them, or perhaps I'm subconsciously afraid of the same thing that comes in my nightmares might appear there. I think I often shoot myself in the foot. I feel I have failed even before I have properly tried something. Anyway, I projected, flew around in the apartment and woke back up. It wasn't a very good projection, but at least I got out. I always feel more magical after that :)
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1 kommentarer:

On 25. august 2009 kl. 17:12 , Dubious sa...

Are you dreaming when you "project" yourself this way? I have dreamed of flying before, and in the dream, I am breathing deeply and suddenly become light enough to fly about. I remember thinking how easy it is if only you can remember to breathe!