Author: WhiteWitch
I think I have to accept that I feel depressed. It's not an overpowering depression that I felt some time after my dad passed away; it's more of a dark feeling that sits in my stomach throughout the day. I'm not sure why it's there, or where it came from. I'm trying to see it for what it is, to see what I'm afraid of, and what worries feed that fear. I'm afraid of so many things. I'm especially afraid of the unknown, and I fear I won't be able to do things. I've decided to finally try to learn to drive, which terrifies me. But if I could drive, I'd be so much freer. It's just that I feel sick thinking about doing it, and especially getting on the freeway, which is an unusual and scary thing for me coming from Norway, where we don't have many of those.

Anyway, I think my depression has a lot to do with my worries and fears.

The knot in my stomach used to be a lot bigger though. I started noticing it back in highschool. I remember my chest feeling very heavy, as though I couldn't breathe properly, even though I could breathe just fine. As I became more interested in spirituality, and also tuned more into my body, I could see this heavyness clearer, and how big it was. It was a huge knot of something bad, some deep negative emotions covering my solar plexus and heart area. I've been working on these emotions for a few years, and they're slowly clearing as I dig deeper. It's like I'm digging my way back into my body. It's like I left it for a while. Does that make sense? I think losing my family was such a shock that I just left my body. Hmm. When I decided to return I found all this unresolved anger, sorrow etc, all bottled up inside me.

I hope to keep writing here to get some order and better understanding of my thoughts and feelings.
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