Author: WhiteWitch
•21:56
I went to the farmer's market today. I had decided beforehand not to buy flowers this time, because my husband and I are leaving for Greece on Tuesday. However, I couldn't resist buying a bouquet of lilacs. I think lilacs must be one of my favorite flowers. I absolutely adore the scent. Standing in the farmer's market, I breathed in their scent for the first time in two years, and I was instantly carried back to warm summer days back at my childhood home. We had a small lilac bush there, and I remember I loved it even as a child. I feel very connected to lilacs. They remind me of home, and I think also of my mom....though I'm not sure why that is.

I also listened to the Belzebuub talk today. He spoke about being in the moment. He said it was beautiful to be there, and that we are outside time when we're in the moment. In the moment is when we are alive.

I feel that is true. When I manage to be aware and in the moment, it's like something stirs inside of me, something ancient, a distant memory of something else, something very important. I like to listen to beautiful music. Music that touches my soul. I'm listening to Allegri Miserere right now, and it's as though the song reminds my soul of some distant place it longs to return to. I feel like crying sometimes, but it's a different kind of crying, because it comes from a yearning for something so strange and beautiful that I don't even understand it. I don't even trust that it truly exists.

I remember standing in the middle of the living room floor when I was little. I remember feeling confused. It just felt so strange to be there. I wondered how I had ended up on earth, in this life, and where I had been before I started living. It felt like I should be able to remember, but I just couldn't.
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