Author: WhiteWitch
•11:05
I don't know what to do. I planned to rest this weekend, well, at least rest on Saturday, but again someone is asking for help with something. I feel I should help out, but at the same time I feel I need to stay home, take it easy and catch up on my life before I go crazy. Yesterday I felt so exhausted I just wanted to cry. I think exhaustion happens when I start to worry, and I feel overwhelmed, and guilty, and there seem to be no way out, and not enough time to do everything and please everyone....

I just don't understand what the right thing to do is. I find it so hard to take time for myself, and feel that that is ok, because no one is supporting me in doing it. And even if they were, I'm not sure I'd feel that it was the right thing to do. I'm asking for a deeper understanding...
Author: WhiteWitch
•12:20
I'm trying to relax and just be, and warm myself with some tea. There's been so much going on lately that I feel rather overwhelmed. 8 hours of sleep isn't enough right now, I always want to stay in bed and just watch myself fall deeper into sleep, feel my body recharging. But there is no time for that. Today at least I managed not to rush around and scare the cat. She's lying in her chair right now, looking peaceful. She is a very sensitive cat. If I'm grumpy she tends get more jumpy. Poor kitty. I think she's like me. She needs her space, but also hugs and a warm safe environment.
Author: WhiteWitch
•13:30
I feel I have a lot of hidden beliefs. I feel I have to do the right thing, and push myself to "be a good girl" no matter what, or else somehow I will be punished. This belief makes it very hard for me to relax. Even when I'm at home I can't fully relax. I feel like I have to do so many things, and I don't know where to start, and I feel very tired.

I can't remember when I first started carrying the world upon my shoulders. Was it after my mom, sister and dad got sick and died? I kind of feel it was before that, and the pressure has slowly been building. I think I'm proud. I feel I have to be proud and strong and manage everything. And I'm so afraid of making mistakes.

I feel there is a terrible pain burried deep inside me. An angry, bitter, even hateful pain. A pain of feeling stepped on for so long, of not being useful, and of being alone. A pain that doesn't know how to let go, to relax and feel safe.
Author: WhiteWitch
•13:07
I did the unthinkable today. I stayed home from school because of PMS. I feel really guilty now, and I guess I'll look into why I feel so bad and fearful about it. Right now I just want to take care of myself. I'm feeling grumpy and overwhelmed.
Author: WhiteWitch
•20:16
I'm feeling very tired, and in need of warm comfort. I just used the last of my lavender to make my "hug in a cup" tea. That helped. My period is due tomorrow. I wonder if that is effecting how I feel now. I notice that during my period I feel more sensitive, more in touch with the energies of the world around me. It's beautiful, and it feels like a very magical time. During that time I also want to spend more time nurturing myself, and being kind and loving towards myself. However, I find it very difficult to do that. There's always things that are being asked of me, and things that I just feel I should do, even if no one directly asks it of me. Right now I feel exhausted thinking about the days ahead. I wish I could follow my heart without doubt and guilt.