Author: WhiteWitch
•13:17
I'm very tired now. I'm tired of activity, and the overwhelming flow of thoughts and emotions that comes over me when there's a lot of people around. I want to be alone. In the dark. I wish it wasn't so hot, I wish I could hide away in here with the wind howling, and the rain pouring down outside. I wish the sky was more alive, and not always an endless blue.

I wish I didn't worry so much about what people think. I think that's the reason why I get so tired. But sometimes I wonder if perhaps I am more sensetive to whats happening around me. I read people all the time, I look at them and I sense what they're feeling towards me, or I just see that they are tired, or frustrated, etc.

I just came home from the farmers market. I try to go there every Saturday, because I love the food there, and the treasures I find. Today's greatest treasures was home made smoked cheddar cheese, and warm sun-riped tomatoes. Yum! Anyway, I just felt very timid and stressed there. Not sure why, I just felt like there was so much going on that I couldn't focus. I couldn't be aware, though I tried half-heartedly.

Maybe I was feeling tired after spending the night away from home, and feeling somewhat unsafe where I was. I wanted to leave, but couldn't until very early in the morning, around 6am. Then at least I got to walk through the streets, and through the park in utter stillness. It was surreal. The city felt abandoned. There was no one there, except one or two people walking. Usually the place feels rushed, loud, dirty. I love the cool mornings. I wish I could get up that early every day, to greet the dawn, and the magical stillness that comes with it. Mornings, along with late evenings, is a time of reflection for me, when I fall deeper into myself.

Yesterday I went to the park. I picked blackberries, lemon balm, and what I think was elder flowers and some sort of mint. I took of my shoes and lied down on the ground, in the cool shade of a tree. I looked up into its crown of leaves, watched them sway gentle in the breeze. I felt the stress starting to leave me, I felt rejuvinated, and I prayed for help and understanding. I felt like crying. I wanted to stay there and hug the earth, feel her strength go through the soles of my feet and into my body. When I left that day, I touched the tree and I felt I got some sort of teaching from it, perhaps on how to be centered, and still within. I need to visit the park more. My heart and spirit needs it.
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